Speaking from the Heart
by Tracy Winston
Summary: Has Melanie finally come to her senses? Post season 4 finale


Title: Speaking from the Heart; Part 1 of ?  
  
Author: Tracy Winston  
  
Rating: Uh... I really don't like doing ratings, but I guess PG-13 should be safe, considering the show.  
  
Spoilers/Timeframe: In the days following the season four finale. Spoilers for the events surrounding Mel and Linds leading up to and including the finale apply.  
  
Summary: Has Melanie finally come to her senses?  
  
Feedback: Yes, please! I won't know what you think unless you let me know, so constructive criticism is welcomed.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and such of Queer as Folk; they all belong to Russell T. Davies, Showtime, and all those rich people that could sue me if I didn't say this.  
  
Author's Note: Well, it's certainly been a while since I have written something. Things have been changing in my life, and I just haven't had as much time and incentive to write as I used to. Fortunately, I've found both. And now as they say, the bitch is back. :)   
  
Alright, well the finale just ended and I'm not completely sure what I want to do with this story. But I do know for certain that I want to write it. So here's hoping that this is decent.  
  
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I'm starting to wonder if this place will ever feel like a home again. It's already begun to lose that glow it had, that comfortable air that serves as the definition of the happy family home. 'Ha! Some happy family; Lindsay's been so put off by me that she turned to a man, I nearly miscarried more times that I care to remember, and what semblance of a family we have remaining is enough to make Brian look like father of the year.' An exhausted sigh escapes my lips, and before I can even acknowledge it I have put my hand to my neck, rubbing at the previously absent, but now pissing me off, sore knot on my shoulder. 'Maybe I could ask Lindsay…' Another sigh, this one sounding less like exhaustion and more like exasperation. 'Nope, Linds won't be able to massage your shoulders, to ease your aches and pains anymore; especially ones caused by your own hot temper.'  
  
"How did this happen?" I ask myself aloud, staring down at the shattered remains of the teapot on the living room floor.   
  
Once we returned from the hospital, things were put in their place. We took Gus off to bed—the excitement of having a little sister and of his mommies bustling about had exhausted him and he went to sleep on the way home—and then pulled out Gus' old crib and put Jennifer in, asleep and comfortable, for the time being at least. After getting her situated, I vaguely remember muttering something about cleaning up the mess from the tea, and ever since I have been standing here in the middle of the living room. The mess from the tea remained on the carpet, soaking into one of first things Linds and I bought for this place when decorating to make it our home. My lips quirk sourly as look at the stain. 'Our relationship is stained and tattered, why shouldn't the carpet be, as well?'  
  
My attention is taken from the stained carpet and is placed upwards to where I hear Lindsay moving around in the bedroom, perhaps going through her things to see what she'll take with her when she leaves. Maybe it is for the better that we don't have to deal with divorce lawyers, that we don't have to sign away parts of each other from a life we've lived together.  
  
My brain suddenly comes to a stop on the word divorce. So definite, so final. Is this really it? Has nine years really been so easy to throw away? Not just Lindsay's affair, but my lack of ability to forgive, to care for her feelings. It wasn't too long ago that I would have willingly cut off my own arm for Lindsay if it would prove that I love her. I've never loved anyone as much as I love Lindsay. Love, present tense; I haven't stopped loving her. How can I so easily just let things end like this? People don't walk all over me in court; my personal life should be no different.  
  
At this thought I move over to the bed and lay back, staring at the ceiling, above which our first child is sleeping, and my lover is planning on leaving me. 'Lindsay isn't some plaintiff I belittle in court; she's my lover, my wife, the mother of my children… my everything. Comparing her to money-grubbing assholes is like…' I can't even begin to compare. How can you think of anyone that compares to the one woman in the world that you would give your life for?  
  
That thought seems to send a shock right through my body, for in an instant I am up and heading towards the stairs. Okay, so perhaps the sound of the bathroom door being practically slammed shut had some influence. I push the thought of still having to repair the squeaky hinges out of my mind and begin to ascend the stairs with sure and steady steps. 'You've got the opportunity to make things right, to make sure that the only good thing in your life doesn't leave. For once in your life, Melanie Marcus, do the right thing and fight; not for a client, but for your happiness, and the happiness of your family.'  
  
Even with that little pep-talk in the fore-front of my mind, I'm still scared shit-less. 'Good, at least I know I can still feel.' I take another deep breath. 'I shouldn't be this nervous, should I?' The other side of my brain screams back, 'Of course you should! You might actually lose her! So get in there and fix your shit!'  
  
All the law school and real life experiences have brought me to this. There is no 'whether or not this ends well' scenario; this must end well. There is no other choice. Cockiness aside, I cannot function without Lindsay. Fuck all that I learned in law school and from being a lawyer. Finesse can only get you so far; it's time to speak from the heart.  
  
And it is standing there with my right hand raised, poised to knock, a look of pure angst working its way onto my face, that I become aware that Lindsay has just opened the bathroom door.  
  
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Alright, so after having just revised this again, I still think it's crap but I'm starting to get tired and I want to put my thoughts about the finale into the beginning of a fanfic. There isn't enough fanfic out there for Melanie and Lindsay, and I would love to be able to write a decent one, especially for the scenario presented at the end of season four. Please let me know what you think. I'm open to suggestions for this chapter, on whether or not I should continue, and if so how potential chapters should go. Thanks! 


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